follow up

After posting the below about Tricia, I realized that I was feeling, again, the way I had felt when I got my call: a sense of peace and that everything is going to be OK.

I had thought, before transplant, that I would be a wreck. In fact, I prepared Dr. G, the surgeon, and Karen, my coordinator, for that fact. They both promised me that I would be well-sedated, and, indeed, I was. I don't remember anything after I left my parents in pre-op (And I got to give props to them--they really held together. Totally. Now, maybe they didn't I just didn't know it, because my glasses were gone and everything was fuzzy, but I think they did a good job staying together in front of me). I was so calm that I managed to sleep before they finally came and got me round 7 am.

I was calm from the minute we got the call. I never thought it would be a dry run. Since we lived so close to the hospital, I was pretty sure I would only get called if it was a real 'go'. Since my lungs came from MN, Dr. G had to go bronch them, etc., but I still felt, when we got the call around 8:45 that Sunday, that I was going to get them, and that soon I'd be in surgery.

Even looking back I am amazed at my calm. I was a little jittery, but the excited kind of jittery, like you get before you go on a vacation. I tried to pack a bag, which was pretty fruitless. I tried to watch a movie. We prayed. But I didn't sleep until I was on 4AE in a very familiar room, and waiting for what I was sure was going to happen.