Saturday, October 06, 2007

"That messy love stuff"

OK so those of you who read regularly know that my love life is pretty much nonexistent. And most of the time, I'm OK with that.
But part of me often asks, is it because of me or because of things I cannot control?
To wit:
I would like to date someone for whom I do not have to explain My Entire Medical History during like the third date. It would be very nice to date someone who's known me awhile and therefore is aware of all the Medical Nuttiness that Is Me.
This creates the problem of (maybe understandably?) creating fear of attachment. (Which was the downfall of my last relationship. Sigh) Now I guess on some level I can get that. But then the rest of me doesn't. I can't help my situation anymore than I can change my skin color. It's part of me. And if you're in love, should it matter? No, I'm not saying let's be all Moulin Rouge! here and not be practical. There are, of course, real-life considerations (kids, etc.) that need to be discussed. But should fear dictate a relationship? To be totally blunt, we're all going to die at some point. None of us are immortal (at least, that I know of). Everybody gets something. It's the way life is. And if you love someone, then shouldn't you want to be with them no matter how much time they may or may not have? Or what's "wrong" with them?
Maybe I'm being too idealistic. But there are times when I really wish I was in a relationship, and I wonder how much of the fact that I'm not is due to Situations Beyond My Control. Or if it's just me (as in personality or whatever).
It also seems like guys w/CF, or lung transplants, have better luck getting married. I've seen a lot (well, OK, a fair amount) of married guys in the CF clinic. Not so much for the women.

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